I've got way more than 10 bad things.

The worst part is that I've got 5 weeks to get out of here. I still have tons of packing to do and I have to figure out a way to get everything out of here and stuffed into the tiny storage space. I'm terrified that June 1st will come around and I'll have to leave stuff here & never see it again. Five weeks might sound like ample time, but check out what my days are like:

7:30 get Jayden up and dressed
8:20 go outside to meet the school van
11:00 catch two buses & walk hella blocks to pick Jayden up
12:00 pick Jayden up from morning school, get on two buses to take him to afternoon school
1:00 Jayden's in afternoon school, but it's all the way out in East Oakland. If I catch the bus home, I'll have maybe 1/2 an hour before I have to get back on the bus to pick him up.
4:15 pick up Jayden; catch two buses home.
5:30 if we haven't stopped anywhere like the grocery store, we're at home. I have to get dinner together and get him in the tub.
7:30-8:00 if all goes well, he's in the bed by this time. I usually read him a few books and we might talk a bit before he falls asleep.

Then I have the rest of the night - if I don't collapse right along with Jayden. I usually wake up around three or four hours after I go to sleep, and sometimes I get some cleaning/sorting/packing done, but most times I'm too worn out to do shit. I try to get some work done in the morning after he leaves, but really I've only got about an hour and a half to do it because I've gotta get me ready & out the door, and I move slowly. I have to take a couple rests for each hour of work, and after I do some packing & whatnot I'm hurting pretty bad.

I'm starting to get frantic and scared. We still don't know where we're gonna be after June 1st, and I try not to think about that much. I'm working on our options, which are not many, and filling out prodigious stacks of paperwork for the various things I'm trying to get us hooked up with, but actually thinking about leaving here and being who knows where is something I try to avoid.

Instead, I stress out about not having any time in my day, about having to take Jayden all over town, spending as much time on the bus as he spends in school. Weekends aren't any easier; he's got his Y classes on Saturdays and when he's at home, he doesn't let mama get a damn thing done.

I'm trying to save to buy a cheap ass hooptie, but the $400 checks don't leave much room for putting anything aside. If my car was running I'd have somewhere around three and a half extra hours each day. But Cutty's gonna cost too much to fix, and I've gotten to the place where I can let him go. I'd been holding onto him because it took me four years & $14k to pay him off - and he was a damn fine car back when I could afford to maintain him. But what the hell are we gonna do with a car that don't run if we're out on the streets? So he's gotta go.

My neighbor buys cars at auction, and from tow yards. He fixes 'em up if there's any problems & he sells 'em for cheap. He said he sells cars for as low as $350 sometimes; I'm trying to save about $800 for something half decent but I doubt I'll amass that before we're out of here.

And that's my whine for today. Now back to your regularly scheduled positivity....