I know in my last (and first) post I said I'd do better next time. Well, we might have to postpone the improvement until another next time, if you follow. This is a based-on-truth story I wrote recently.

I know in my last (and first) post I said I'd do better next time. Well, we might have to postpone the improvement until another next time, if you follow. This is a based-on-truth story I wrote recently. To fit the nam nam framework, it's about creating a vehicle to move on in life, or something *cough*. Anyway, this is it.

Even driving by the house, looking for a place to park, made me nervous as hell, and having to parallel park in the dusk didnít exactly calm my nerves. After about 87 cranks, I finally had the car more or less even with the curb and centered between the cars around me. It was one of those moments where I thought about just sitting and listening to the rest of the album playing, but knew that Iíd just be tense the entire time. For me, at least, waiting on the brink of something is pretty much impossible. I got out of my car, hands shaking like a mad man.

I walked along the car-lined sidewalk to the two-story house where the party was being held. Standing in front of the door, I paused a moment, reminding myself that Iíd only be there for half an hour and then Iíd have paid my debt. I pushed the door bell for a second, then noticed the sign posted on the door saying ëCome on in!í Gingerly opening the door, I wasnít even fully visible when I heard several voices say my name.

Stepping into the foyer, I saw all the people from high school who I had always thought were very nice, but werenít exactly my friends. For a while there, when I was crazy about Gloria, Iíd tried to become friends with them and get into the clique. It was a pretty half-hearted attempt, though, and they didnít try much harder to include me. Gloria and I were still pretty close, though, which actually kind of surprises me now. It seems like she would have demanded any guy she liked to integrate themself into the group.

ìHey Simon!î voices called out in greeting. I put my shaking hands in my pockets, and said my hellos. I walked past the fireplace and in front of the China hutch, where I stationed myself in front of the pretzel bowl. Near me stood Jennifer, Lyndsie, and Chad, with Gloria swooping in from the patio in the backyard.

ìHey Simon, howíve you been doing?î asked Jennifer, with that hint of a patronizing tone in her voice. By now Iíd learned that it wasnít any particular dislike for me, though, it was just how she talked to everyone.

ìCanít complain, how about yourself?î I responded reflexively.

ìNot bad, pretty good, in fact,î she said.

ìNeil said heíd try and come by if he could, but his nephewís birthday party is this evening, so he wasnít sure if he would be able to make it out,î I said, turning towards Gloria.

ìOh, okay,î she said, without a hint of disappointment. That was something I always loved about Gloria, she never made me feel second best. When I was with her or talking to her, it was just her and I. She took a bite of the vanilla cake with pink and purple frosting, writhing with simple enjoyment as she pulled the plastic fork out of her mouth and set it down on the paper plate. That was one of her quirks, when she ate something she enjoyed she would kind of twist and wiggle while she chewed.

ìWhen do you leave for Southern?î I asked her. After graduation, no one wants to bring up things that happened before graduation. Thereís this sort of unspoken rule that high school is behind you and that youíre free to go where you want, do what you want, and be who you want. Itís kind of like how in high school itís in bad taste to make fun of someone for anything that happened while they were going through puberty in middle school. For those few months between high school and college, the topics of conversation are pretty limited, basically sticking to where youíre going, when, and what youíre going to study when you get there.

ìThe 25th, same as you,î she responded. I was pretty sure sheíd told me that about a half dozen times before, and I felt bad asking questions that Iíd already had answered, but I could never remember. ìLinda leaves tomorrow afternoon for Spokane, though,î she added with some sadness in her voice.

ìWell, at least youíll have your own room for a month.î

She nodded, writhing again as she took another bite of her cake. Friends of Gloriaís parents kept on offering me cake, but Lyndsie whispered in my ear that Gloria had sneezed on it, so I had to keep turning down the offers. Iíd already eaten, anyway. The only other person not eating was Chad, who was a runner and very health-conscious. ìI like your haircut, Chad,î I lied, it was a terrible bowl cut that nearly made me blush out of embarassment for him.

ìOh, thanks, I just got it cut yesterday,î he responded, like he knew it was a pretty dopey haircut, but also believing he was cool enough to make it not so dopey.

ìWhat have you been up to this summer?î

ìA lot of weight lifting and training, gotta get ready for cross country in the fall. How about you?î

ìNothing too interesting. A lot of reading, some writing, nothing too hot.î At this he gave me the look. Itís that look you get when someone hears what youíve been doing, but doesnít believe youíre really doing anything. Normally, I donít really take offense at it. People who keep busy socially and physically are welcome to think that reading isnít really anything. When itís a guy who pretty much just runs around all day to keep busy, though, it seems kind of unfair.

ìGive me five!î said a voice I was unfamiliar with. I turned to my left and saw a girl sitting at the table with her right hand up, waiting for a young kid to slap her hand. I didnít know either of them, but I knew the girl was a couple years below me. The kid was probably still in elementary school. He didnít hit her hand, though, he just went right on eating the cake that Gloria had sneezed on, with a grin that only dessert and a well-executed snub can bring.

ìKid, let me give you a little advice. Lord knows, I know nothing about women. Nothing. At all. But, I do know one thing. When a girl asks for something, give it to ëem.î At this, everyone in the kitchen cracked up. I think they assumed I meant it sort of sexually, but I just meant it in a very tame sort of way, like putting your underwear in the hamper, or something. I could tell that they sort of blushed for me after hearing it, and that was always the trouble with me hanging out with them. I was embarassed for their bad haircuts and they were embarassed about my stupid jokes.

After that I didntít really feel like saying anything. Itís probably for the best, but it can be kind of hard when you know your contribution to the conversation has peaked. I just listened to the others talk to each other about their futures. Itís a little depressing to listen to people my age already concede, and have their aspirations limited to wanting to be a white collar business person. Maybe weíre just measuring different things, but it seems a shame to waste your youth on realistic ideas.

After some time, I donít know how long, I just felt it would be alright to leave. Feigning a reaction to the clock in the kitchen, I went up to Gloria and told her I should be leaving. She gave me a quick hug and mumbled something about us needing to hang out again before school. I told her sure and walked towards the door, giving everyone a big sweeping wave goodbye.